But there's a bigger issue here than simply not having pleasure with sex. Orgasm is critical for our health and our spiritual evolution. Deepak Chopra says in his work on sex and spirituality that “Sex is a means of escaping our little self or ego. It is many peoples’ only experience of meditation.” Orgasm is energy that travels up the spine and through the nervous system and creates an open channel for divine connection and inspiration. We lose our individual selves in the orgasm and connect with something bigger. Orgasms helps us feel more balanced, reach new states of awareness and consciousness, and bring new ideas into the world. This goes far beyond having sex for pleasure. What we need are orgasms- enlightening orgasms.
So here are the five ingredients of an Enlightened Orgasm:1. Acceptance of your sexuality. This sounds simple, but this is the first step. If there is any part of you that thinks that sex is wrong, dirty, sinful, bad, gross, or (fill-in-the-blank), then you are simply not going to be able to have an orgasm. These belief systems will put you in a fight-or-flight state of the nervous system that will not allow your body to experience pleasure, and all you'll be thinking the whole time is how can I get this over with as quickly as possible? When you feel that your sexuality is beautiful, natural and meant to be expressed, that your body is sacred, and is an instrument for sexuality to come through you, then you will learn to play that instrument: low notes, high notes, and everything in-between!
2. Create a sexual story or fantasy. What makes things interesting in life is the story we tell ourselves about them. “I look so great tonight.” “The guy I'm with is so smart.” “I can do anything I want with my life.” Stories are what make things exciting, and excitement is what leads to orgasm. What stories excite you? Use your imagination. Is your partner super hot and are you the only one to have sex with them? Are you a crazy-hot sex kitten that makes men lose their minds? Is he a soldier back from war and just dying to have you? Is it your 'first time' and you don't want your parents to find out? When you have a good story you will have characters, a setting, plot and a climax! Just keep your focus on the one aspect of the story that gets you the most turned on. Focus on that and ride it all the way to orgasm.
3. Find just the right touch. Grinding, stroking, licking, rubbing; the words “right there, don't stop” say it all! When you have just the right touch you will know it. Whether you are rubbing against someone fully clothed, being touched by a hand and fingers, being licked and sucked with a tongue and mouth, or grinding against a pelvis or penis, you will know when you've found the place that feels really, really good. What is important now is to pay attention to the location, rhythm, pressure and movement of this touch. Your first orgasm will involve your clitoris, which means it needs to rub against something. Once the clitoris feels really good, 1) maintain the location of contact, 2) keep the exact same rhythm, 3) increase the pressure by pushing against what's touching you, and 4) move your pelvis however you need to accomplish those three things. And BAM! If you aren't coming after a few minutes of that, maintain those four factors and refocus on your story. “Oh my god, he's licking me.” “We're so close right now.” “I'm going to come so hard.”
4. Connect with your partner. I should stop and take a moment to say that all of these steps can be applied to self-pleasuring as well, because half of sex takes place in your mind! So whether you're having sex with a real person or an imagined one, focus on them! Take in the art that is their body. Focus on their beauty, their sexiness, their vulnerability, their power- whatever turns you on. What are they doing? How are they responding to having sex with you? How can you get closer to them? Pull them deeper into your body, up against your skin, and let your mouth and lips become completely soft so that even your faces merge together. Feel their heart and their breath, look into their eyes if you want, or close your eyes and just feel. Squeeze them tighter with your vagina and push deeper into them. Get as close as you can. And let them know when you are coming.
5. Let it move through you. Muffling your sound, holding your breath, and tightening your body will sabotage your orgasm. Now that you're coming, let your orgasm expand through you and out of you with sound, breath and movement. Scream, purr, cry, grunt; breathe deep, fast, in sync with your partner, or sigh; grind, push, move slower or faster, and let your head, shoulders, arms and breasts all be a part of the experience- do whatever feels natural! When you have an enlightened orgasm, the energy moves up your spine and travels throughout your whole body, and you leave this universe of illusion and return to Source. You will feel deeply at peace, connected, happy and satisfied. As the chemicals of orgasm move through your body, you may twitch or want to still grind, you may collapse in a pile in total relaxation or want to cuddle, or you may want to jump out of bed and use that orgasmic energy to create, take action, or prepare a beautiful meal.
Clitoral orgasm is just the first of three gates of orgasm. If you keep having sex after your clitoral orgasm you will discover even greater states of consciousness . . . from the inside. But more on that later! For now, enjoy the wild, sacred state of clitoral orgasm. And may all your orgasms continue to enlighten you to greater and greater states of happiness, creativity, surrender and love as you connect to the power and source energy of this great, big, beautiful universe.
to your vibrant sexual health,
Sexual and spiritual coaching
Founder of www.HealthNow.am